whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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