dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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