My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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