I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
