guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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