yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
