Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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