If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
