just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
