Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
