he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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