so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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