I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
