It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
