I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
