thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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