you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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