whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
