she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
