youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
