i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
