During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
