Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
