ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
