I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize