okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pants are for mortals
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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