So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
