you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She said her name was "party"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
