Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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