how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My feet surprised me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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