i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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