I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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