oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He felt like a one man threesome
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
