i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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