Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
