i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize