need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
