I hate your face
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
