I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
