He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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