dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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