What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
