I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
