You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
