I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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