Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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