Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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