i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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