so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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