I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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