no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
