So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
