Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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