the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
