Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
