i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
