Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
