I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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