While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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