your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
