So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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