Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
there is glitter all over my balls
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
