i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
