I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
