Whatcha textin bout Willis?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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